Domestic Violence and Revenge: Two Sides of the Same Coin
By Ericka Williams
Author Website: http://www.erickaw.com/
Domestic Violence is a touchy and controversial subject. In society it is considered unacceptable and unconceivable for a man to physically batter his girlfriend or wife. The recent incident with singers Chris Brown and Rihanna was a publicized and highly debated event. Many famous people expressed discontent with, criticized, and verbally condemned Chris Brown; while siding with and supporting Rihanna, without being witnesses to the occurrence. I have two conflicting feelings in regards to domestic violence. Generally, I believe that it is wrong to hit a person that you are supposed to care for, because that person may be critically injured or killed. Many women have died at the hands of the men they loved. It is a dangerous habit and a problem that escalates over time, as many statistics prove. Relationships are so multi-faceted and often times built on foundations of lust, long before love. Add is a little stress, a few lies by omission and things get out of hand quickly.
Many young women have the misconception that if a man puts his hand on them, it is because he loves them enough to lose control, because if he didn't care he wouldn't get that angry. Herein lies the problem: a man who does not know how to deal with his emotions or control his anger, is a man to fear. When a man starts the cycle of abuse often times the assaults become worse and worse as time goes on and more and more frequent. What may begin as a shove may turn into a punch and ultimately a murder. Emotions run high in matters of the heart and volatile relationships don't become healthy ones easily. When things are going great is not the time to decide whether you are with the right man. However, the time to assess who you really love is when there are issues or conflicts. No one should hurt you in order to show their love. Your spouse or mate should be able to deal with problems with their mind and not their fists. When the schoolyard fighting days are over, adults need to know how to handle situations.
As an author, I write about these situations because I see them unfold daily; most likely not receiving the same publicity of Chris and Rihanna. My book, A Woman Scorned, addresses the issue of domestic violence from the female abuser’s point of view. The main character, Brielle Prescott, remained in an abusive marriage partially because of her physical abuse by her parents as a child. The emotional scars and distress from being battered lasts, affecting the victim for a lifetime, in many cases, in real life and in my fictional tales.
No matter how damaged the individual is there really an excuse to hit someone you are involved with? What if she/he cheats? What if she/he lies about where they were and who they were with? What if she spends the money that should have gone to bills? Is there really any justification for physical abuse except for the fact that it comes from lack of rationale. When a man lashes out, he may not intend to black an eye, bust a lip, break a limb, or commit a stabbing or shooting, but that does not mean it won't happen. As a woman who has dealt with more than one hostile and violent man in my lifetime, I know that it is by the grace of God that I was never badly hurt. However, I could have been. I choose not to excuse that behavior in my "seasoned" time as a woman.
I decided to heed the warning signs and not leave my life in the hands of an irrational man, because life and death are only a breath and heartbeat away from each other, and in one split second you can be gone. Contrary to what I just expressed, however, I do understand what rage feels like. I have been wronged by past boyfriends, as well, and it is not a good feeling. I know how it feels to lose control and lash out with my fists. I have been on both sides of this issue and that’s why I wrote A Woman Scorned. My main character, Brielle, is a victim and a perpetrator. She becomes the very thing she had come to hate, an abuser. She resorts to revenge, which is also a form of domestic violence—if violence is the means to getting that revenge.
How do we know what Rihanna did to Chris Brown to make him lash out? How do we know that she did not hit him first? Many might say that it doesn't matter because a woman is not capable of hurting a man the way a man is able to hurt a woman. However, is that true when a woman has a weapon? No, it is not. I have brought Domestic Violence and Revenge together because there is sometimes a marriage of the two in relationships. Domestic Violence is sometimes a reaction to a real injustice that is done to someone and Revenge is a reaction to the same. Therefore, what I believe we must do as a society is be more understanding, as opposed to condemning. Next, offer help to those who are on both sides of the issue. Chris Brown expressed a feeling of betrayal from Oprah for "all that he had done for her" because he said that he expected Oprah to offer him some advice or assistance in how to heal as well. Rihanna was not the only one who needed support. He is human, as we all are. I am not condoning abusers or anyone who inflicts pain on another. But let’s be real, it happens, on both sides! None of us can handle things the right way, at all times. Emotions run high the matter of love. So why is it that we find it okay, to kill the perpetrator? Isn't that violence too? What about trying to find the root of the problem? Let’s try to find the stressors that created the violence and address those issues, instead of rushing to judgment. I am sure many of you have opinions on revenge and what defines domestic violence. Share your views on the subject too, let’s talk about it.
Meet the Author
Ericka Williams is a determined business woman and author. She never takes no for an answer. When she sets her mind on a goal, she doesn't stop until it is reached. She is a graduate of Teaneck High School, in Teaneck New Jersey. She attended Howard University and graduated from Rutgers University. She is currently a teacher. Ericka has always had a yearning for knowledge, expression, and creativity.
She is the author of three books the Essence Magazine bestseller “All That Glitters”, and the sequel “Shining Star”, as well as the forthcoming release A Woman Scorned. Pick up a copy at Amazon Online