Nuggets for all Couples by Jewell R. Powell

'Happily Ever After' Newsletter March 2009
Sex & Intimacy in Your Marriage

Nuggets for all Couples

Engaged Couples
The engagement time is the perfect opportunity to prepare yourself for marital intimacy. During this time you can be filling your mind with the truth of what love and marriage is all about (1 Corinthians 13) and working through any personal issues you may have, so that you can be completely present for true intimacy with your spouse on the wedding day. If you have experienced premarital sex or abuse or emotional wounds, now is the time to take these issues to God and ask for His healing in your life. Without healing, you bring these struggles into the marriage, which can hinder intimacy. So instead of focusing all of your attention on the reception, DJ list, or the honeymoon itinerary, take some time to work on your personal intimacy issues and give you and your spouse the best start possible.

Each newlywed experience is so unique, especially when it comes to sex and intimacy. While one couple may be intimately in-sync immediately, for others it takes time and effort to make things click. Regardless of where you start on the intimacy chart, all newlyweds are just beginning the journey and have a lifetime together to increase intimacy and experience the marriage union the way God intended it to be.

How can you keep yourselves on track during this journey? By making an effort to put the other person first-this includes sexually and emotionally. In doing this you are fulfilling one of God's callings to regard one another as more important that yourself (Philippians 2:1-4). Also, to have a great sex life, couples must talk with one another about their desires, needs, and what pleases them. And both should be in agreement.

Couples Being Challenged
When times get hard, sex and intimacy are among the first to go out the window. There's something about stress and hardship that can suck the life out of a marriage, starting with intimacy and what happens (or doesn't happen) in the marriage bed.

Instead of giving in to the stress and allowing life's difficulties to create a wedge in one's intimate relationship, we must work hard to cling to our spouses and make the times together a safe haven-an escape away from it all. God will support your efforts and give you the strength to persevere in your relationship. After all, he has told us not to worry (Philippians 4:6) and to cling to our spouse (Genesis 2:24), so we can trust that in doing these things we are honoring God. Instead of going into separate bedrooms or going our separate ways when feeling stressed, come together in unity and love and strengthen your marriage even when times are tough. Although this may seem very hard to do, try and see how with the help of the Holy Spirit that it will destroy the works of the enemy working against you because love conquers all.

Seasoned Couples
As you approach the "golden years" of your marriage, the potential for intimacy increases, right???. After all, you have known each other longer and are much wiser. Well, this may not be the case for all seasoned couples. There are still many challenges that may come our way that create road blocks for intimacy. For example, physical limitations for some couples call for the need to be creative when it comes to sexual intimacy. However, there is no reason that increased age should be an excuse for decreased intimacy.

It's possible to experience the most intimate years of your life as you grow old together, slow down and take the time to really enjoy one another. While you can reflect on the good memories of the past, create new ones together and strive to add spark to your relationship by communicating openly about your desires and needs when it comes to intimate issues. As the Bible puts it, "Rejoice in the wife (or spouse) of your youth!" (Proverbs 5:18).

Sex & Intimacy takes time that most of us don't have because of the cares of this world. However, that is the trick of the enemy to steal time away from one another, to kill the intimacy between our spouses, and to destroy our marriages. My prayer is that you will take baby steps to rekindle the love affair, even if it is 10 minutes out of your day to spend only that time with them to help strengthen your marriage. For those that are doing well in this area, keep it up! Continue to be consistent.

God Bless,

Jewell R. Powell
Author & Marriage Coach

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