The Art of Seduction and Sensuality by Kai El Zabar

The Art of Seduction and Sensuality by Kai El Zabar

The very title The Art of Seduction and Sensuality gets our attention and conjures up images of a beautiful woman and a handsome man. We’ve all seen the commercial with the alluring beauty that captures the soul of the handsome beau as he engulfs her in his arms. But the question is who is seducing who? And we might want to question why does it matter? Well it does matter because seduction comes with a high price. As women we have all grown up hearing the word “seduction” and equated it with power, sex and the prize man. And yet as a wordsmith I have problems with the word off the top.

If we are to have a straight discussion here about the art of seduction let’s be clear with how “seduction” is defined. According to Webster’s Ninth New Collegiate Dictionary “seduction” means: 1. act of leading to wrong; specifically 3. something that attracts or charms: the enticement of a female to unlawful sexual intercourse without force 2. something that seduces: TEMPTATION Therefore to be seductive means: tending to seduce: having alluring or tempting qualities and seduce means: to lead away 2. to lead astray usually by persuasion or false promises 3. To carry out physical seduction of 4. ATTRACT.

Now with the definition of seduction in mind, we must note that there is an element of trickery involved. So ask yourself do you really want to be associated with trickery when it comes to your man? What good can it possibly lead to? The story of Adam and Eve introduces us to the master seducer, Satan himself who tricked Eve into eating from the Tree of Life against the directive from God resulting in the expulsion of she and Adam from Eden. So women I beckon you to rethink this whole seduction thing. Do you want to seduce a man or do you want to attract a man?

I know that you are puzzled because “attract” is the fourth definition of the word seduce. However the stronger meanings of the word seduction are those that entail the idea of leading astray, or to tempt. The uneasy sense of a man that he’s being led down some dark road that will lead him to no good does not stop him from going down that alley. His loss of conscience is overcome by his carnal desires that speak more loudly and boldly than most women understand. His sexual need is an urge that needs little approval from his intellect. It really does have a mind of its own. So to draw to yourself a man or charm him but for one night or lead him astray from his wife and family for an affair, or to trick him with your “damsel in distress” act will last only so long. Being sensual, sexy, soft, sweet, sophisticated, savvy and smart are all key attributes to a man’s heart. As a woman you always want to appear as you are. The game playing days are over in this globally competitive world where a man can get on the internet and connect with a beautiful woman, get on a plane and fly to Istanbul or Brazil, pick her up and bring her back to his home. You want to be open, truthful, and seek the opportunity to be self expressed.

You want to create the situation, environment, ambience that allows you to show off your best self. You know your attributes better than anyone else. So set up the “hook-up” to introduce yourself whether it’s taking advantage of the moment at a friend’s home, or in the grocery store, or at work or even the art gallery. You’ve seen him check you out, you know he’s feeling you too so let him know that it’s okay for him to make the next move. I believe that even in today’s progressive world, men still like being the aggressor. Yet we can still steer them, guide them and direct them our way.

As for a man, if he really wants you, he will step up to the plate and get those digits. If you indicate that it’s a go and he doesn’t bite, don’t waste your time. He will not change even if you start to date. He will always let you take the lead. He’ll accept your invitations and you will have a decent time. What man will back away from the “big easy” from a good looking woman? But when he calls you that day and says, “I’m getting married and I just wanted you to hear it from me first’ or not. He may just disappear and you do hear about it from someone else. Anyway the point is let the man declare his interest in you. It’s a sure way to weed out the “booty call” hunters.

Men are pretty basic but we make it complicated. If a man is attracted to you, all tricks barred he will be there for you. You just have to stay as beautiful as you were the day he met you and fell head over heels for you. Keep your conversation interesting and positive, again the same as it was when you first met. Maintain the upkeep of your hair, your nails and your signature scent. Continue your interests, whatever they may be. Sure you show an interest in his concerns, basketball, football, cars, finances etc but you keep your’s as a priority. Be supportive and insist that he pursue his dreams, discuss his vision and how it compliments yours. Cooking for a man is a good thing especially in this day when women seem to think that “cooking” is demeaning. It is not. It’s a way to express love and caring. Continue to dress sexy for bed and do not reveal your beauty secrets. Sensuality is the embodiment of ones comfort with self and the smooth seamless flow of this confidence through the physical expression of touch, conversation and dining.

How a woman’s voice tone is received by a man can stimulate him with excitement, soothe him and calm him or cause him to reject her and dismiss the communication. The intentional woman knows her sensual abilities and chooses to calm or stimulate. This is sensuality. A woman’s touch whether it’s the light brush of her hand upon her man’s cheek or the thigh against thigh touching in the restaurant, the warm sweet breath against his ear as she whispers “let’s go,” or the peek-a-boo show of skin so subtle from the slit of her skirt, or the show of lace on her bra ever so hidden, or the fact that she has no panty lines and bare legs are all sensual moves that suggest in her man’s mind the wonderful moments of loving that he looks forward to with her. These carefully executed actions are the stuff of a sensual woman. She’s no floozy, no scank, no ho, no seductress but a bona-fide sexy sensual woman in charge of her being. She is not seducing her man but rather marketing herself in a classy manner.

So if I had to change the title from The Art of Seduction and Sensuality I’d rename it The Art of Marketing Your Sensuality. Marketing yourself is what mature women do because we accept the consequences and the benefits or rewards for our choices. We get that we are accountable for our actions. We’re not going to get pregnant and hold a man hostage. We’re not going to mother you and punish you by with holding sex when you’re bad. We will however always be straight with you and inform you of our expectations, what we are willing to do or not do, what we will accept and what we won’t tolerate. We will respect you and we demand respect. We market who we are and it doesn’t get any better than that.



Kai EL´ Zabar, is a multi media consultant with over twenty-five
years of experience in publishing, public relations, marketing,
production and managing the process of creative projects from
concept to production. She has served as project manager of print
for The NAACP Image Awards, the National Association for
Black Journalists National Convention and various other
publishing endeavors. She has been writer or producer for CBS,
PBS, and Disney. In print, she was writer/editor both the Chicago
Tribune and Chicago Defender newspapers and or associated
publications as well as the content writer/editor for, the official website of Tavis Smiley.